Human :)

It had been 3 months now, that I had started working… I had just moved out of my college and things had already started getting awry. More than a few thoughts began hovering in my mind… I had no idea why things were not falling into places, they were intended to… It had been just a month that I had started working for a project… the first two (months) being the primary school styled training…

There was a sinking feeling inside… the feeling of restlessness… a strange fear of whether I would be able to make it or not… make what???? I was not sure though… My other contemporaries seemed to be cheerfully working with whatever they got to work on. What was there in them that weren’t in me…??? Were they different…or was I different…?

I had started off with my work in the project… I started out talking with people for various corporate reasons… I began meeting people of different profiles, different backgrounds, and different mindsets… I had never talked to soo many ppl ever… for whatever reasons. As time went, I realized that there was a silent but live process going at the back of my mind…a process I would probably call… ‘psychoanalysis’… (not quite sure what it means though… but it had the words ‘psycho’ and ‘analysis’…. So… it was close to what I felt… probably…) I had actually begun to realize that they all thought astoundingly differently and yet… we all astoundingly shared a comparable dais… the dais of discontentment…! What was that they wanted? Is it close to what I want? What do they want? What do I want?????? Is no human happy… is there nothing called contentment..? Is there no success..? @####$#@$@#####@%^crrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaap^%##5$#^%#@%

I relly had no idea of what or who would answer this…! I went on with my work… kept cribbing about the people around, the circumstances in… until this day…

This day…I had been to a friends place… and this old man who happened to be her uncle was there to meet her…and I, in point of fact, had alreddddy begun to curse myself for having gone to her place… he had been a well known celebrant in his town…or at least he introduced himself that way… he was known to sermonize ‘religion’... probably… In a matter of time… we had started off a striking conversation… on relly spanking novel topics… like the rains this year…the elections… Jayalalita…Laloo Prasad Yadav… and a few interesting more… when he, in an extreme self-aggrandizing manner, told me that he had to be away from home for years to preach what he believed…( or did he believe what he preached… who knows…!!! ) a loooong oration on the way he ‘sacrificed’ his life for the welfare of the society… and yet got nothing in return…followed… just then my friend interrupted and murmured, about her aunt… the Uncles’ wife…who dint even know when she possibly could expect her husband next… she kitty partied… and moved out with friends… He stayed away for months and the aunt kept waiting for him… did she really like it this way or had she come in the swing of things…I started wondering whether this had anything to do with the ‘psychoanalysis’ that I had been engrossed in during the last few days… There was this man who was ‘sacrificing’ his family for his beliefs… and yet he continued with things that way… he seemed happy for himself… his wife and his kids… and here was a wife who dint even get to see her husband often and she still had no issues... She had learned to carry on with life… She had learned to ‘live’ with it… With such thoughts on my mind… I walked off for home…I thought about these two class of people… the first lot, that takes charge of things… moulds circumstances to suit self… and the other set of the ‘unfortunate’ few who actually are ductile… and easily come in the sway of the state of affairs…(the managers would term this as a win/lose case…!!! ) but then… there is a distinct common denominator that both these lots shared… a common virtue… that fundamentally they all were (or had become) fond of the way they lived their lives… they didn’t want to change… they had clung onto their past soo badly… that it was almost impossible for them to even dream of a change….

A simple teaching…I got… that man wouldn’t change EVER…

The few who lived life their ways and yet cribbed about circumstances would continue grumbling that way…and the other few who had the guts to take charge of things would continue to ‘live’ life their way… (sounds as if I still m cribbing… bout being human… !!!) but then which category did I fall into… !!! Here came a damaging realization… !!! I knew I cribbed… Perhaps given a chance…to live life again…I would probably choose to live my life a different way… (would I ???? )

I learnt a lesson…which nobody had preached… and something that I felt from heart… I dint want to live life grumbling though… I wanted to behave the way I am… the way I think… I wanted to be different (be in the first lot)…I dint want to live an unlived life… I wanted to live a life free of whimpers… but then m human… I wouldn’t change… i fell into the second lot (unfortunately!!!…oops! m complaining again…)….the cribbings still continue… but I know in the heart of hearts… I would choose to live (every moment of) another life (given a chance)… exactly the way m living it rite NOW… I would probably(??) crib… I would complain… but I would live it exactly the way I do now… The fact is that I have been loving and living every moment of my life and I shall always…